


Are You Serious?

by LilBitW15



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Heavy Drinking, Implied Mpreg, M/M, Tags Are Hard, Twin Potter, Wrong Boy-Who-Lived (Harry Potter), and rambles, like...one time a character gets super drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-22 22:54:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16606967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilBitW15/pseuds/LilBitW15
Summary: After a long time of dealing with annoyances, Harry and Severus find an alternate solution. Or, at least, Harry does because he's tired of dealing with other people when he wants to spend quality time with Severus.





	Are You Serious?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Trickster32](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trickster32/gifts), [Genuka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Genuka/gifts), [elvirakitties](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elvirakitties/gifts).



> This one is being dedicated to Trickster32, who won't stop prodding my muse with each of their comments, as well as Genuka and elvirakitties, my inspirations for short stories.  
> Also, this is being posted for my birthday (albeit a day late, but better late than never!)  
> So happy belated birthday to me, and I hope you enjoy this new story!
> 
> I am most certainly NOT J. K. Rowling, but I absolutely adore her universe and getting to play in it, for free!

“No.” The door was quickly slammed closed in their faces, leaving Lily and James Potter gaping at the closed wooden door.

The two magical people looked at each other before they knocked on the door vigorously again. The door popped open again and a young man leaned against the doorframe, an unimpressed look on his face.

“How can I help you today?”

Both the Potters bristled at the dismissive tone of voice directed their way before James opened his mouth to respond.

“You know why we are here, Harry, and you will do your duty to the wizarding world,” James demanded imperiously. 

The young man snorted. “Why in the world would I help any of you people? I haven’t been a part of that world since I was a baby.” He then sneered at the other male, “Also, my name is not  _ Harry _ , it’s  _ Hadrian _ .”

An ugly sneer crossed Lily’s face at hearing such a pompous name, “As if I would name my child such a pureblood name,” completely ignoring the young man’s comment about not belonging to the wizarding world. “Now, follow us and we will begin training you to defeat You-Know-Who.” With that, both Potters turned around and started walking down the path towards the road, wanting to leave the, obviously Muggle, middle-class neighborhood. Neither noticed that they weren’t being followed until they heard the door slam shut again.

Lily and James both huffed in frustration and marched back to the door, knocking on it even harder. The knob began turning and the two stepped back from the door, ready to berate their estranged son. 

However, neither could speak or even react beyond their jaws falling down at the drop-dead gorgeous man standing in the doorway this time. With smooth black hair and a healthy tan, it took a few minutes for the Potters to recognize the man standing before them, but when they did, their anger exploded.

“What the bloody hell are you doing at my son’s house, Snivellus?!” James was the first to recover, trying to wrap his head around his school rival’s presence at his son’s home. “I bet you poisoned Harry against us, you Death Eater scum!” 

Severus merely raised an eyebrow before asking, “How can I help you today?”

James’ face began growing red in anger while Lily finally shook herself out of her shock at seeing her childhood friend looking so handsome.

“S-Sev, can we come in? We really need to talk to Harry, and maybe you and I can catch up,” Lily smiled coyly at the Potions’ Master, hoping to rekindle his feelings for her. James seemed oblivious to his wife’s flirting.

A snort heard behind Severus startled both Potters, who had forgotten where they were and why.

“I believe you have already received my answer to whatever you want to ask, and I certainly won’t let you steal my husband,” Harry piped up from behind Severus, his head resting on Severus’ left shoulder to join his husband in arching an identical eyebrow at the interlopers.

When the Potters continued standing there without saying anything, Harry and Severus slammed the door one more time and kept it closed as they waited for the two outside to leave. After about 10 minutes of knocking on the door with no response, Lily and James threw a short temper tantrum before leaving the yard and disappearing around the corner at the end of the road.

“They finally left! Seriously, did they honestly think I wanted anything to do with them after they left me at an orphanage when I was 7? I can’t believe them,” fumed Hadrian as he and Severus returned to their interrupted tea. He became more upset when he saw the tea had chilled. 

Severus chuckled at the small pout his husband wore and pulled the younger man into a warm hug.

Both men reminisced about how they had reached this point, from Hadrian being left at the orphanage and Severus being contacted about a suspicious job opening at Hogwarts after he achieved his Mastery in potions.

Hadrian’s story began after he reached 11 years of age, when he received a letter to attend the Irish School of Magic, despite remembering his parents saying he wouldn’t be able to attend any school for magic. Apparently, after his twin brother, Alexander was claimed as the Boy-Who-Lived, there was no need for the other twin, according to Albus Too-Many-Names Dumbledore.

He accepted the invitation to the Irish school and began attending the year-round school for 8 years, achieving a Mastery in enchantments and job offers from around the world. Hadrian decided to explore the world for a few years after graduating, and his desire was spurred on by the rumors of the resurrected Dark Lord. 

Two years ago, Hadrian heard an astonishing rumor that Alexander Potter had been defeated by the Dark Lord in a battle, causing many to lose hope in the Light side. The day after the battle, Rita Skeeter released an article proclaiming Alexander as the Boy-Who-Lied, stating that Dumbledore and the elder Potters lied to the public 20 years ago about who defeated the Dark Lord. They even finally admitted to the previously unknown existence of a second Potter child when reports started coming in about the Potters visiting different orphanages in Britain. The Potters also tried getting public sympathy by claiming they were looking for their lost son, Lily even ‘cried’ in public, asking for any information regarding ‘her poor, missing Harry’.

Hadrian originally had no plans to return to England, but then he received a letter from Gringotts asking him to come in for a meeting regarding his inheritance. That meeting opened his eyes and led to Hadrian planning on how to destroy the Potters and Dumbledore. It also opened an opportunity for Hadrian to meet his future husband, one Severus Snape-Prince. 

Severus had achieved his Potions Mastery a few months after the fall of the Dark Lord. Contrary to what most of the citizens of Wizarding Britain believed, he did not actually serve as a Death Eater; in fact, he wasn’t even near the British Isles during the war against the Dark Lord. He had decided to earn his Mastery under a German Potions Master because of the issues in Britain.

His cousin, Silas Prince, was the only Prince family member to serve under the Dark Lord. He was also the one who was charged and sentenced to Azkaban, and at his trial, he was proclaiming the Dark Lord was going to come back and kill every single ‘Mudblood and blood traitor’ and help cleanse the Wizarding World. Apparently, his actions got him a cell far away from Bellatrix Lestrange; the officials didn’t want the two feeding off each other and possibly colluding on escaping.

Silas’ actions dragged the Prince name through the dirt along with the other pureblood supremacists. Fortunately for Severus, most of the globe’s population didn’t care for the insanity that was the British Wizarding World. However, unfortunately for him, Silas looked practically identical to Severus, and many people confused the two men during their times at Hogwarts despite their extremely different personalities. Silas was a typical pureblood: pompous, entitled, over-inflated, snobby personality and just a very unpleasant and smarmy man to be around. Severus, on the other hand, was just sullen and a loner, especially after Lily Evans dismissed him because of a word that was spoken in defensive anger. His Muggle upbringing distanced the young Snape from his cousin.

Despite these differences, far too many people believed Severus was Silas during the war against Voldemort.

This confusion kind of explained why Severus received a strange letter offering him asylum and a job at Hogwarts as the Potions professor in exchange for any information he had on the remaining unconfirmed Death Eaters. Included with the letter was a disturbingly controlling and unfair teaching contract that basically enslaved Severus to the many whims of the Headmaster. From brewing all the supplies for the Medical Wing to collecting all the ingredients needed for the school year, all without extra pay for his time and efforts.

Obviously, being the Slytherin he was, Severus declined the ‘generous’ offer and completely left Wizarding Britain behind, not even accepting any mail unless it was from Gringotts.

Severus decided to travel the world a bit before settling down anywhere. He had spent about two years in Colletta di Castelbianco, Italy when he decided to purchase a small house in the Wizarding community located there. He opened his own apothecary for awhile, brewing all his supplies and even instituting an owl-order mailing service for the more complex and expensive potions. In all, Severus spent about 8 years in Colletta di Castelbianco before he received a letter from Gringotts requesting his presence at their British branch office. The letter did not explain why he was being requested, but Severus thought it might be potions-related. After all, there were very few in Britain who could brew competently enough to reach goblin standards.

_ \----- _

_ Severus arrived at Gringotts 30 minutes before his meeting was to commence and waited in the lobby. Standing against an unobtrusive wall, Severus decided to people-watch for a while, trying to get used to hearing English again after so long listening to Italian. Unnoticed by the older man, a younger male had approached the same wall, having a similar idea to the man already standing there. _

_ “Hello, mind if I join you?” Severus jumped when he heard the soft tones behind him and turned around, unprepared for meeting a man who would change his entire life. _

_ “Ah, no, I don’t mind, there’s plenty of room,” Severus responded to the dark-haired male standing beside him now. The man was certainly very good-looking and Severus knew how to appreciate a nice body. However, because he didn’t know if he would be staying long enough to speak to the green-eyed beauty, he settled for just admiring the other male through the corners of his eyes, not knowing said male was doing the same thing. _

_ Both men exchanged idle conversation as they both waited for their meetings to begin. Two goblins approached the men and greeted them both, indicating they were to follow the goblins to their offices. _

\-----

Severus mourned his lost chance to continue talking with ‘Lord Peverell’, and Hadrian himself was also mourning the end to his delightful chat with ‘Lord Prince’. Neither man even registered what title the goblins had used calling their names and were in for a massive shock once their meetings began.

Severus found out that, because his cousin died in Azkaban, as the last remaining Prince family member, Severus was to receive the Lordship. The shock of finding out he was now the Prince Lord despite his mother’s disownment was nothing compared to the wealth he had just inherited as the last of his line.

Hadrian, on the other hand, almost fainted when he was informed that, as the eldest of the Potter twins, he could either inherit the Peverell or the Potter Lordship, although, the goblin explained with an unsettling grin, if he were to claim the Peverell Lordship, he could disown the Potters. Their actions against an under-aged family member fit the disownment parameters set by a Peverell Lord several centuries ago when he discovered his wife abusing their children.

Despite the desire to destroy the Potters for all the suffering they had caused him, Hadrian decided to accept the Peverell Lordship and placed several restrictions on the Potter accounts. They now had a generous allowance for every month, access to any books from the vaults that had more than a single copy registered with the family vaults, and whatever earnings they had received from their jobs.

Hadrian did ask that the goblins not inform the Potter unless they came into Gringotts and asked about the new restrictions. If the Potters exceeded their allowance, Hadrian was to be informed by the goblins.

Hadrian and Severus left their meetings around the same time, actually almost running into each other in their hurry to find a place to hide and reorganize their chaotic minds. After a split second decision, Severus decided to invite the interesting young man out for a cuppa, hoping to learn some more about the other male. 

Hadrian accepted and they proceeded to Muggle London by unspoken agreement, the glaringly lacking amount of tea shops in Diagon Alley and the general dinginess of the Leaky Cauldron offsetting to both men.

After reaching an acceptable shop, the two men then spent the next 5 hours just talking and exploring each other’s history.

This one meeting set the tone for the next 6 months, the two men meeting at least twice a week, although the usual number of meetings was more often than that. Hadrian adored the snarky wit of the older gentleman and Severus appreciated being able to speak to someone on the more obscure spells and potions both men had encountered outside of the British Isles.

Sometimes, their meetings would be at pubs, when one or both men had a trying day dealing with customers. Both men had decided to open stores there in Britain so that they would be able to do justice to their Lordships by actually being involved in the society. Of course, The Daily Prophet immediately announced that two prominent families had returned to Britain and the Wizengamot; however, both men made sure to never be available for interviews. 

But they still had to deal with the ignorant masses that ventured into their stores looking for borderline illegal potions from Severus or asking for wards that would be highly frowned upon or even a sentence to Azkaban if discovered from Hadrian.   


It was because of these requests and ‘dunderheaded’ customers, as Severus loved to say, that both men preferred to meet at some of the more classy Muggle pubs. One such night, Hadrian watched as Severus became extremely drunk very quickly, and when pressed for the reason, Severus responded with unintelligible mumbles. Hadrian quit asking after a few failed tries, but he kept a close eye on his close friend.   


When Severus exceeded his limit, Hadrian decided it was time to take the older male home and make sure he got to bed safely. Of course, the traitorous voice nagging him in the back of his mind said the reason Hadrian was helping him was to be able to stand closer to the man Hadrian really fancied (he was reluctant to say love).   


The journey to Severus’ home was an eye-opener and not an entirely unwanted one either.   
\-----   
_ “Come on, Sev, I can’t carry you all the way there. You need to help me out a little here, mate,” Hadrian grumbled at the nearly catatonic man. Severus didn’t even respond except with a low growl directed at the ground since the intoxicated man couldn’t properly lift his head. _ _   
_

_ Hadrian just shook his head and tried gently shaking Severus, hoping to wake the man up a little. _ _   
_

_ “Y’know, I almos’ wasn’t al’ve to meet ya, Hadr’n. Th’y almos’ killed me in fif’ ‘ear, and ev’n now, th’y won’ ‘eave me alone,” the murmurs emerging from the intoxicated man were barely understandable, but Hadrian still caught them. He knew the incident Severus spoke of, it was something that had come up when Hadrian revealed who his birth parents were and why he had been at Gringotts when they met. Severus had been, understandably, upset at learning he had been speaking to a spawn of Potter, but after hearing Hadrian’s plan of subtle revenge, his anger slowly dispersed. _ _   
_

_ From the mutterings, Hadrian made the logical leap that the so-called Marauders were still bothering the older male, which explained his desire to go drinking tonight. _ _   
_ _ “Why won’ th’y ‘eave me al’ne? I ne’er did nothin’ to ‘em. None of ‘em ‘re e’en my type, and I ne’er showed interest in ‘ny of ‘em. No’ e’en P’tter…” Severus’ words descended into mutterings again, this time completely unintelligible. _

_ For most of the rest of their journey, Severus just muttered and tried to drag Hadrian down to take a nap on the side of the road. After about three tries, Hadrian finally decided to let Severus lay down for a few minutes on a part of the sidewalk he had cast  _ Sc ourgify _ on.  _

_ Laying Severus down, Hadrian crouched down next to the prone man to make sure the older man doesn’t do anything dunderheaded in his drunken stupor. Hadrian looked down at the other man’s face, watching as his eyes suddenly opened and those glassy orbs tried to focus on the figure hovering over him. _

_ Severus surprised Hadrian by smiling up at the younger male before a long arm reached up and snagged the back of Hadrian’s neck. He had a split second to be surprised before he was pulled down into a clumsy kiss. _

_ In his shock, Hadrian didn't fully register that Severus was kissing him quite passionately for a few seconds, but, after his brain finally restarted itself, Hadrian responded enthusiastically. For a few minutes, the two men kissed each other, going from slightly frantic kisses to languid and slow until they separated and stared at each other. _

_ Both men were smiling softly, but Hadrian soon frowned as he saw that Severus still couldn't focus his glassy eyes. He sighed softly, knowing that the kiss wasn't appropriate and now he had to get the older male back on his feet. Despite Severus’ several, almost successful, tries to keep Hadrian lasting on top of him, they were soon standing once more and continuing their journey to Severus’ house. _

_ After several fumbling attempts, Hadrian managed to get Severus into his bedroom and gently laid the older male down on his bed. With a simple wave of his wand, Hadrian switched Severus’ clothes into a pair of sweatpants that Hadrian had secretly bought for his cantankerous friend, knowing the older male complained about being cold at night. _

_ With a heavy sigh, Hadrian turned from his friend and tried to leave the room, tried being the operative word because, unknown to either man, Severus had, through a fit of accidental magic, tethered the two men together in a fit of not wanting to be left alone. When Hadrian continued to struggle against the surprisingly strong bonds holding him back, Severus finally sat up and glared at the other male. _

_ “Quit da strugglin’ and ge’ ov’r ‘ere! I wanna snuggle wit’ some’ne…,” the man grumbled before he lapsed once more into mumbles.  _

_ Hadrian released a soft chuckle before giving up and returning to the bed. And true to his word, Severus indeed cuddled with Hadrian for the rest of the night and well into the next morning, where a red-faced Severus tried to apologize for his inappropriate behavior with a friend. Hadrian finally shut the man up by snogging him senseless. _

\-----

And that began the next chapter of their lives together, although Hadrian loved to rile Severus up by mentioning the “unsolicited attack on his innocent person” to which Severus usually replied with a fond eye-rolling and muttered ‘dunderhead’.

After about a year of dating and exploring their relationship in new and fun ways (no, not that kind… more of how fun a prank war can become between two stores and their customers), Hadrian finally decided enough dancing around the subject had been done and asked Severus to bond with him. Of course, the older male said yes but not before making Hadrian traditionally court him.

After a year or so of peace and quiet, the reality of the British Wizarding World intruded and the Potters came back with a vengeance. Which led to the meeting that happened today.

Originally, Hadrian was meeting with the Potters about their excessive spending going past their monthly allowance, but obviously, once the older Potters realized that the new Peverell Lord was their missing son, they began to badger him about helping Wizarding Britain.

“Come, love, let’s go enjoy ourselves now that the bothersome people are gone. Don’t worry, we’ll be leaving soon for our anniversary trip,” Hadrian gave Severus a grin as he looked up at his taller love. 

Severus returned the grin as he leaned down to kiss Hadrian. What Severus didn’t know was that Hadrian had a plan for the day before they leave for their trip.

\-----

“Why in Merlin’s name are we going to the Wizengamot? The next meeting isn’t for another three months,” Severus complained, although he would deny that he was whining. Hadrian just chuckled and continued leading Severus into the Ministry.

Once they reached the middle of the Atrium, Hadrian stepped away from Severus with one last kiss before he pointed his wand at his throat, casting a wordless  _ Sonorous _ on himself.

“I call on Tom Marvolo Riddle, Jr. as a member of My Family, and demand his presence before me,” Hadrian intoned, causing everyone to freeze where they were, watching the strange man calling publicly for a family judgment. 

Screams rang out when a snake-faced creature was forcefully apparated into the Atrium, many recognizing the feared visage of Lord Voldemort. With an inhuman snarl, the creature lunged towards the man standing in front of him, forgetting to even rely on his magic.

Hadrian merely waved his hand and froze the Dark Lord in place, frowning at the snarling male.

“As Lord Hadrian Peverell, Head of the Most Ancient and Most Noble House of Peverell, I hereby remove Tom Marvolo Riddle Jr. from my family. For betraying and attacking your own blood, I cast you out. For betraying the laws laid down by our ancestors, I remove your magic. And for attacking those you swore to protect as their Lord, I take your  _ life _ .” At each pronouncement, the snarling creature screamed and writhed in front of the entire Atrium. At the final pronouncement, the creature exploded into a cloud of black smoke that dispersed into nothingness. All across Wizarding Britain, men and women gripped their forearms and screamed as the Dark Mark was destroyed with the complete destruction of their Master.

All eyes turned towards the now proclaimed Lord Peverell as he dusted his hands off and turned to the older male accompanying him. 

“Well, now that the pest has been handled, we can enjoy our holiday completely. Shall we?” Hadrian presented his arm to escort Severus to the floo's, which Severus accepted after a few seconds of gaping at his husband.

There was nary a sound as the two men left, and it wasn’t until after they had been gone for quite a while did anyone react. It surprisingly was a young woman who reacted first, and her response was to giggle before she skipped over to the floo's, wanting to return home and tell her father all about the anti-climatic end to the Darkest Lord the Western Wizarding world had seen. 

And indeed,  _ The Quibbler _ was the first to report about the end to the second war with Voldemort. It was also the first to report on the lovely couple after they returned from their anniversary/honeymoon. 

Hadrian had decided to surprise Severus with a wedding ceremony while on their anniversary (“That sneaky dunderhead,” could be heard muttered from Severus’ dressing rooms several times before the ceremony), and the two men returned to a chaotic world. 

At least they had each other and, hopefully soon, another, though smaller, person joining their family.


End file.
